Relate Well! Blog

The way you communicate can make or break your relationships. It can gain or lose you a job. It can hurt or heal. It can affect whether you are successful or not. We are communicating more often than ever because the internet has made it easier to shoot out a meme, share a post or comment on someone else’s thoughts. The ease of communication is both amazing and deadly.

We all need to be reminded of the basics occasionally, so here’s a simple way to THINK about what to say, either in person or electronically.

T – Is what I am about to say Thoughtful? Have I considered the way people will see me once the words are out? Or how they will reflect on someone else? Do I have all the facts?

H – Is what I am about to say Helpful? Will my words add or detract from the purpose or value of the conversation? Is someone’s life or situation likely to improve because of what I say?

I – Is what I am about to say Inspiring? Will...

We all feel inadequate or foolish at times. When these feelings are chronic, however, they lead to low self-confidence. People with low self-esteem develop habits and behaviors to cope with and avoid these negative, discouraging and uncomfortable emotions.

Healthy solutions to coping with low self-esteem essentially involve two options. First, you have to want to change and be willing to do something about it. And, second, you need to learn effective strategies for accepting what can’t be changed.

Maladaptive Coping Strategies

People who don’t pursue healthy options often default to relying upon “maladaptive coping strategies”. That’s a psychological term that just means “things that probably make matters worse instead of better”. In other words, they’re common, but terrible, ways to deal with low self-confidence.

In the extreme, maladaptive behaviors can include excessive drinking or drug use, abusing others the way you were abused...

oday we will hear from my assistant Liz Bailey, who has some insights on how disciplined parents influence their children to become more confident, disciplined, likeable adults.

When my children were growing up I used to tell them, “I love you unconditionally… but I want other people to like you, too!” I wanted to raise them to be adults who worked hard, got along well with others, showed respect and behaved with courtesy to everyone. The question was, what does a parent need to do to instill those qualities in their children?

Here are a few things that come to mind as I think back over raising my smart, strong-willed, hilarious and, at times, exasperating children:

First and foremost, be the example!

When you are in the throes of parenting – whether you’re in the toddler or teen stages – it can seem at times as though your children don’t hear a word you say, and if they do, they disagree passionately. But don’t be discouraged; they...

Spring is in the air in most areas of the country, and we can’t help but be drawn outdoors to enjoy a break from the icy chill of Winter! We know from studies and experience that getting outside can be a refreshing break from “cabin fever” but now we know that it might be easier than you think to enjoy the benefits.

The University of Alabama Birmingham conducted a study at three urban parks in Alabama that regularly have visitors. The study participants reported that they felt better after spending as little as 20 minutes in the park – even if they weren’t being physically active. An excerpt from the University’s report says:

Principal investigator Hon K. Yuen, Ph.D., OTR/L, professor in the UAB Department of Occupational Therapy, said the original intent of the project was to validate previous research findings on the impact of park visit on emotional well-being, and evaluate the contribution of choosing to participate in physical activity in the...

The official season opener of the 2019 baseball season is this week! To commemorate that occasion, I want to share some real wisdom from the legendary Babe Ruth, who slugged his way into history. He said, “The way a team plays as a whole determines its success. You may have the greatest bunch of individual stars in the world, but if they don’t play together, the club won’t be worth a dime.”

Leadership is one of my passions. Helping executives, business owners, and managers develop the skills to lead effectively is very satisfying. But no organization can run smoothly if everybody is a boss – and, in reality, the majority of people function best in a supportive role. So, if you’re not the person in charge, focus on learning and demonstrating the traits of a great team player.

Great team players… 

Set ego aside

Maybe you’ve heard it before: Great things can be done when you don’t care who gets the credit. Focus on the...

The demands of life can at times be overwhelming, making it nearly impossible to avoid stress. Although brief periods of high stress are a normal part of life, many people endure unhealthy levels of prolonged stress leaving them vulnerable to mood swings, physical symptoms like headaches and stomach discomfort as well as serious disease.

If you have experienced a prolonged period of high stress you may have become habituated to it and therefore consider it normal and even tolerable. In order to avoid becoming accustomed to high levels of stress I recommend that you monitor your stress level on a regular basis. This self-assessment can be done in three steps:

Step 1: Take an honest look at your behaviors.

Examples of behaviors influenced by stress:

Engaged in wasted motion and busywork
Irritability – critical of others
Not pleasant to be around
Agitated by little things
Impatience
Caffeine and/or alcohol consumption increased
Diminished work quality
Unable to make decisions

Step 2:...

Ask some folks how they’re doing, and they’ll tell you they’re sick and tired of being sick and tired. This can be a completely reasonable answer because we all have times when we feel the same way. However, some have a pattern of going on and on about their problems every time you see them.

We’ve all met people who complain constantly about physical problems or other things going wrong in their lives. They seem to believe they’re magnets for misfortune and nothing is ever positive. How should you handle it when someone has a habit of complaining to you?

First, practice compassion. As annoyed or impatient as you may feel, try to remember that the grumbling is an expression of pain. Even if the complaint seems unimportant to you, or even if it’s the complainer’s own fault, the pain is real to them. To set an appropriate boundary, kindly tell the person how much time you can spend with them and then do your best to compassionately...

Are you having trouble keeping up with what’s “in” and what’s “out” this year? Should you decorate minimalist or maximalist? Should you drive a gas or electric vehicle? Should you eat a vegan diet or an all-animal products diet? Should you… it’s hard to keep up with the changing trends!

If you don’t want to be anxious, insecure or confused about what you “should” be doing, begin with a solid foundation of things that never change. The day to day decisions about what to eat, what to wear, and how to spend your money will become so much easier when you remember these basic principles for life:

Character counts. The longer I live, the more I understand that qualities like honesty and integrity usually win over situational ethics and looking out for number one.  A “win” may not look the same for everybody, but even if you don’t land the account, get the job or receive the recognition,...

Did you know that, on average, a man will lose his temper six times a week, and a woman will lose her temper three times per week? That’s a lot of conflict! But within certain boundaries, it is not always a bad thing. While it is never good to resort to violence or deliberately hurtful words, expressing strong feelings can be a healthy outlet for emotions.

Even though many people seem to freely express their anger, others are so averse to conflict that they drive their anger underground, resulting in serious problems.

Unresolved anger can lead to serious physical, psychological, relational and emotional problems. In fact, unresolved anger is believed to be the number one contributing factor that propels couples towards divorce. Even small irritations, left unaddressed, can eventually turn into serious anger. Something as simple as one person not putting their dirty clothes in the hamper or someone habitually not checking the amount of gas in the tank can be blown into major...

Walk into any variety store and it will be obvious that Valentine’s Day has become a commercial extravaganza. Red cards, boxes and candies are everywhere! Love is in the air, along with high expectations and, to be candid, a real possibility of disappointment if the message of love isn’t sent effectively.

Everyone has their own thoughts and feelings about Valentine’s Day. Some people are starry-eyed romantics, others are practical to the core and there are some people who would rather forget about it. But wherever you fall in that spectrum, you will probably want to express your love for someone at some time, even if it isn’t February 14^th.

Psychologist and author Dr. Gary Chapman has published some of the most helpful information on the market today about what says “I love you” most effectively. His original book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts was a game-changer for many faltering relationships. He had discovered...