Relate Well! Blog

When I look around our society, entertainment and political arenas today, I wish there were more people who reflect the kind of positive influence that inspires, motivates and encourages others to live a successful life. In order to cultivate great marriages, families, businesses or communities we need to look for people who are willing to effectively and positively influence those around them.

If you can’t find one, BE one! If you want to be a person of positive influence, consider integrating the tips outlined below into your daily life.

1. Close the gap between your walk and your talk. One interesting question to ask yourself is, “If I were accused of living my life according to a strong set of values and integrity, would there be enough evidence to convict? Or would they find proof that I say one thing and do another?”

We’ve all heard it said that talk is cheap. That’s because positive action can require hard work and sacrifice and, frankly,...

Many American parents are angry because of their belief that our public educational system is in shambles. In federal and state political arenas, education is a hot topic and emotions run high as parents, teachers, administrators and politicians wrestle with the issues, and sometimes it’s the children who get caught in the crossfire in the battle over education.

Many parents complain that political correctness, waning values, liberal philosophies and a lack of appropriate discipline has permeated our public schools, rendering them ineffective and even harmful to children and families. The news outlets publish attention-grabbing headlines about students who are severely punished for minor or unintended infractions and others that blame the failing schools for kids who inflict violence on their fellow students. There’s no doubt that our educational system has deteriorated and that it needs an overhaul. However, before we give in to despair about the effects that the...

It was a little odd having Easter and April Fool’s Day fall on the same day this year. Those dates haven’t lined up since 1945, so it’s a rare occurrence! I wonder how many people added a few tricks to their egg hunts? I heard one person’s idea was to cover raw eggs with chocolate so their friends would take a bite. Not exactly my idea of tasteful  joke!

But regardless of what strange things are happening, this time of year is a special reminder that life offers new beginnings. Every day brings an opportunity to experience life in a new way, and you have the power to make some healthy changes to put yourself on the road to being your best self.

Today you can:

Get rid of bad influences and habits. Every day we encounter things in our lives that would hold us back from being our best selves. Bad habits like smoking, criticizing, complaining and too much screen time are obvious roadblocks to good health, happiness and success. Toxic relationships or...

Conventional wisdom holds that as we age our beliefs and attitudes become more rigid. However, new research indicates that our conventional wisdom may be all wet.

A study conducted by researchers at Princeton and Ohio State Universities found that middle-aged adults were in fact more resistant to attitude change than older adults. They point out that “…openness to attitude change is a good thing and in fact is necessary for minimizing social conflict.”

I meet people everyday who hold on to attitudes and beliefs due to stubbornness fueled by pride. It is our pride that often causes division, hurt feelings and ongoing conflict in our relationships. The Book of Proverbs reminds us that, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”

Regardless of your age, one of the keys to maintaining healthy relationships is being willing to consider the views and opinions of others and allowing your beliefs and attitudes to change. I know this...

Happy first day of Spring!

Spring is a time of year we tend to focus on fresh starts, so I want to encourage you to think about the importance of getting rid of the old routines and habits that hold you back and living your life on purpose with discipline and wisdom.

All of us have probably heard an older friend or relative make the comment, “If I had known I would live this long, I would have taken better care of myself!” Since hindsight is twenty-twenty, what would you do differently if you had it to do over again?

Some people might save more money for retirement, others may exercise and eat a healthy diet and many would desire to have better relationships. It is important to know what our priorities in life are, but just knowing what to do doesn’t get the job done. We must exercise self-discipline and wisdom in order to consistently carry out these priorities. You can’t go back and do life over again, but you can go forward, starting today.

Too often we...

I talk to men and women nearly every day who possess a lack of happiness in their lives.  As I listen to them talk about what they believe is the source of their unhappiness I often discover that they lack understanding about both the cause of their unhappiness as well as the solution associated with overcoming it.

Many people believe that happiness is determined by their circumstances.  “If only I weren’t sick,” “If only I had more money,” “If only I was married – or single,” “If only I was thinner,” and the list of “if onlys” goes on and on.

Since the late 1990’s, psychologists have been taking a closer look at the topic of happiness and why it seems so elusive to many people.  In their book The How of Happiness: A new Approach to Getting the Life You Want, psychologists Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ken Sheldon, David Schkade and Martin Seligman, outline what they believe is the formula for...

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich once said, “Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.” Sounds exhausting, doesn’t it? How do you keep going when it seems like an endless cycle?

Some days you go through the motions of your daily routine, wondering why you bother going to the same old job doing the same old things. Or you can’t remember why it’s important to prepare meals and wash dishes and laundry day after day.

So what’s the answer to why you do it? The answer is investment. Every good thing you do for your family, friends, career, church is an investment in the lives of others – even the daily routine tasks.

Investing in the people you influence as you persevere through the long days at work. Investing in maintaining your home and ensuring the well-being of your spouse and children helps to grow a healthy family. You and the people you affect each day will make a difference –...

Every time Steve turned in a project, his boss consistently found something to criticize about it. Despite Steve’s many attempts at trying to please his boss, he couldn’t find a way to make it happen. After several months, Steve became so discouraged he gave up and quit his job.

Laura could never seem to please her mother. She studied late into the night and made straight A’s in school. She was Student Body President and showing great promise with her leadership skills. Yet her mom would say, “I am so proud of you, but why can’t you use some of your talent to clean your room?”

One of the most challenging people in life is the Critic – the person with the “gift” of spotting a flaw a mile away. Whether it’s your spouse, your boss or your parent, here are some tips for getting along with the critical person in your life.

1. Work at not taking the criticism personally. Remember that the Critic’s remark reveals more about...

With Valentine’s Day upon us, our minds turn to love and romantic relationships. What do you think is the foundation of a happy marriage? Many people would guess that it is good communication, the ability to resolve conflicts, mutual respect, or martial commitment. Although these things are very important recent research shows that the best predictor of marital happiness is friendship.

Think about it. If you are friends with someone, you make the effort to maintain good communication, spend time together when possible and laugh at each other’s jokes even if you have heard them before. If you are really close friends, you should have enough confidence in the relationship to tell them when you see something in their life that concerns you, or to accept negative feedback from them. You share a connection that grows from appreciation of how much that person is like you, or how interesting they are because they are different from you – or a combination of the two.

According to a Pennsylvania State University study, when you combine a highly demanding job together with marital problems the result is a father who is out of the loop related to his school-age child’s daily life. There is no question that both mothers and fathers can face extremely challenging circumstances as they balance work life and home life, but today we will focus on the fathers.

Many men are deeply work-oriented – instinctively trying to conquer the two-headed beast of achievement and competition. In a job market that creates higher demands on each employee many dads are working longer hours and even bringing more work home, making them less available to their wives and children. This creates a great deal of strain on marriages. I hear in counseling from women who feel their husbands are “missing in action” and not tending to their emotional needs and leaving them to shoulder all of the physical and emotional responsibility for the children, and it...