Relate Well! Blog

The holidays are a wonderful time to get together with friends and family to experience the joy of laughter, reminiscing, and renewing connections.  However, it’s also a time when many people face the painful reality of not being with someone they love because of a broken relationship. 

During the holidays, I often meet with clients who are grieving due to being estranged from a parent, sibling, or other close relative or friend. 

Recently I had a woman ask me if it was too late to try and mend a relationship with a brother she had a falling out with three years ago.  I have summarized my response to her below. 

As long as the person you had a falling out with is still alive and is mentally competent it is never too late to make an attempt to restore the relationship you once had with them. 

You can not control the type of response you will receive, or whether or not you will even get a response, but you can control what you attempt to communicate...

It has been said that more people are held captive in the prison of their own minds then in all the jail cells in the world… and worry is their Warden.  There are countless things we can worry about, but I have worked with many people who significantly struggle with the worry of what people think about them. 

Many of the decisions you make on a daily basis, e.g., the clothes you wear, the music you listen to, what you say in a conversation, or who you associate with, are governed, in large part, by a goal-directed conscious or unconscious process that attempts to influence what people think about you.  We call this process impression management. 

As humans, we all have needs for belonging, affection, and acceptance.  To not think about how others perceive you to some extent is to deny these needs.  Unfortunately, many people are trapped by a powerful impulse to over engage in impression management.  In other words, they are overly focused on...

At the end of this blog post you will learn how to get our free resource specifically designed to help you in your confidence building journey.

When you engage in realistic standards of self-care, you will begin to view yourself more accurately and positively, which will help you look the part of a genuinely confident person.

What Does Self-Confidence Look Like?

Although your physical appearance does not add anything to your worth and significance as a human being, it cannot be denied that feeling and looking your best is a great way to increase your self-confidence.

The way you view yourself when you look in the mirror each day can have a significant impact on your self-talk, feelings, and behavior.  

It can make the difference between walking with your head held high and asserting yourself with confidence or behaving timidly and even avoiding human contact altogether. 

Although it’s very normal to have negative thoughts and feelings about your physique...

The Power of Imagination

The other day I was watching my 4-year-old grandson using his imagination by acting like a “superhero”. He grunted as he lifted up his one-seater plastic car as though to save someone trapped underneath. 

I remember having two thoughts: First, “Wow, isn’t that adorable!” (Remember, he’s my grandson.) And, second, “I wish adults felt as free to exercise their imagination as toddlers do because it’s an incredibly powerful resource that only humans possess.” 

When it comes to building self-confidence, your imagination is one of the most powerful resources available to you. It can help you attack false beliefs and eliminate negative emotions and self-defeating behavior patterns. 

It’s your imagination that allows you to transport yourself anywhere in the world in a split second or to think about any healthy and pleasant scenario you desire. 

With practice, you can use your...

To feel satisfied and be truly successful in life, a person needs a healthy sense of self-esteem and self-confidence. Let’s look at what these qualities are and how they work together. 

“Esteem” in Latin means to appraise, value, rate, weigh, or estimate. Simply stated, your self-esteem reflects what you believe about yourself – positive, negative, or neutral. 

Your beliefs in turn influence the quality of your emotions. And, in many cases, it is the quality of both your beliefs and emotions that strongly influences and shapes your actions. 

Self-esteem generally covers two primary types of belief. The first involves beliefs related to self-efficacy. This fancy word means the degree to which you believe you can succeed at something or accomplish a certain task. 

For example, if you have a strong sense of self-efficacy and your boss assigns you a difficult project you may think, “Wow, this won’t be easy, but I can get it...

Everyone Struggles with a Lack of Confidence at Times 

It is estimated that 85% of the world’s population experiences low self-esteem and consequently, low self-confidence at some point in their life.   

We all know the feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, or incompetence that accompany low self-confidence – and they are very painful. We can experience them at work, school, in our personal relationships, or in any unfamiliar situation. 

Low self-confidence is often at the root of disappointing friendships and love relationships. It can result in lower long-term income potential and missed opportunities for promotions. 

Low self-confidence is also correlated with substance abuse, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, and other destructive conditions and behaviors. 

How Low Self-Confidence Affects Relationships 

Due to irrational fears and doubt, people with low self-confidence are more likely to have trouble starting and...

Most of us alive today have never been through anything like the Coronavirus Pandemic. We know that there have been other devastating illnesses in the past, but now it’s not just a page in a history book – now it’s personal! We are adjusting to unfamiliar, and often unwelcome, schedules and methods of doing what we used to take for granted in our everyday lives. “Normal” used to sound boring. Now it is our greatest desire.

Assuming that what we used to consider “normal” may be farther down the road, we come to a point in our lives when we realize we need to make the best of things as they are. This is particularly important if you are one of the many who are spending much more time at home, and especially if you live alone.

So, what can you do to infuse some “life” into existence during this time of increased isolation? Here are a few thoughts to get you started:

Put Your Imagination to Work

Albert Einstein said, ...

Have you ever noticed that when you are disorganized life seems more chaotic and stressful? This experience often makes it difficult to know what to focus on or tackle first in an effort to regain a sense of calm and control. It’s frustrating to be late for work because you forgot an early meeting or to have to dig through a pile of papers to find the forms for a doctor appointment at the time you should be leaving the house. When I am disorganized, I find myself feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and off balance. The only way I can feel more settled and ready to face my day is by taming the Beast of Disorganization.

Here are two reasons why being organized helps you feel better:

It frees up time. Time is a very precious resource that can never be renewed. When you organize your mind and your physical surroundings you will be better equipped to identify what needs to get done and create a system to help you complete tasks efficiently. Having your life organized also helps to...

Imagine you are sitting in a coffee shop, chatting with friends. One of your friends reaches into their pocket and brings out a vial of poison and begins sprinkling it into each person’s cup. Wouldn’t that be shocking? You can imagine that you would be very unlikely to invite that person to coffee again!

You will not likely ever have that exact experience, but did you know it’s possible to poison yourself and your relationships without even being aware of it? Nearly every day I talk to men and women who are either engaged in, or hurt by, behaviors that are a form of relational poisoning. The damaging toxin is gossip.

You would be hard pressed to spend a day in any workplace, social media site or other gathering and not be exposed to some form of gossip. Gossip involves the spreading of rumors or information about others. Although there can be sociological benefits associated with some forms of gossip, today I want to address the epidemic...

Have you found yourself saying, “I just can’t think straight lately!” One of the primary complaints associated with the Covid-19 pandemic is the inability to stay focused. Whether it’s work, school, or just having a conversation with a spouse or friend, it can constantly feel like a battle to pay attention, concentrate, and stay focused. 

Since February of this year there has been a 300% increase in people searching “how to get your brain to focus”. For most people, even if they try, it isn’t getting any easier and in many cases it’s getting more difficult. Here’s why:

The part of your brain that controls rational thinking, concentration, impulse control, and the ability to focus occur in the prefrontal cortex, which is located right behind your forehead. Both acute and chronic stress weakens the functioning of the prefrontal cortex and strengthens the primitive brain known as the limbic system, or what some refer to as the...