Addressing the all-important and often perplexing topics and issues related to enhancing your personal growth and professional development
You’ve probably heard the saying, “March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb.” While that traditional wisdom is meant for weather trends, I think we can stretch it to apply to some relationships as well. Do you know anyone who “comes in like a lion” – roaring and ready to devour anyone who gets in their way? Would you like to be able to hold your own when talking with them and possibly calm the situation?
Here are some tips for dealing with “lions” in your life:
Begin with yourself – your attitude, your response. Look past the behavior and see the person as a whole and valuable human being who may be acting out feelings of fear, frustration, anger, hurt or insecurity. Understand that there may be valid reasons for those feelings and try to exercise empathy. This will help you control your response when someone is coming on strong. It’s more natural to retaliate if you feel you’re being attacked, but...
Have you ever felt overwhelmed by an irrational fear – so much so that it prevented you from doing something you wanted to do? Believe it or not, this is a common problem faced by many people daily.
Fear has the power to hold you back from taking risks, following your dreams, or becoming successful at anything you attempt to do. If you allow it to control you for long enough, it can eventually erode your quality of life and keep you locked in a prison of inactivity and regret.
What many people fail to realize is that fear is nothing more than a conditioned response. It’s a natural reaction to any situation that is perceived as threatening. Although not easy, there are things you can do on a regular basis to overcome irrational fear. Review the tips below and make the decision to begin putting them into practice today.
1) Check your expectations
One major contributor of fear is the prevalence of negative expectations. Do you usually find yourself...
Empathy is simply defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. We can sometimes feel as though we already have too many feelings of our own, and that taking on the burden of feeling what others are going through will be overwhelming.
Interestingly, the opposite seems to be true. Let’s use an example most of us can relate to. You are driving to work when suddenly a car pulls out of a parking lot right in front of you, and you have to brake hard to avoid a collision. As your pulse races and you try to steady your breathing, how do you respond? Your answer to that depends largely on your ability and your desire to empathize with others.
The absence of empathy makes it difficult to understand another person’s perspective, so your response to the near-miss in traffic will likely be anger and hostility. Defensiveness assumes that the other driver willfully did something dangerous that could have caused a crash and that there is no excuse. The anger...
Have you ever seen a Puffer Fish? They’re unimpressive little fish who blow themselves up to big, round, scary-looking creatures when they feel threatened. Some people do a pretty good imitation of the little Puffer when they feel threatened, too.
People who feel inadequate and insecure often try to compensate by trying to appear more significant than they feel. They may brag or exaggerate about what they’ve accomplished or who they know. They demand attention and often interpret other people’s actions or opinions as personal offenses. They often put down other people in order to make themselves feel better. Overcompensating for feelings of inadequacy has actually become a rather popular pastime as social media has greatly expanded the opportunity for people to be puffed up about something and elicit support, sympathy and attention. It feels safer to express anger to the world than to speak face to face with a perceived offender.
Offline and in person, most of us...
Have you seen the movie Groundhog Day? It features Bill Murray as Phil, a weatherman with a bad attitude who finds himself reliving February 2nd, Groundhog Day, over and over again with all of its petty frustrations, seemingly pointless activity and irritation. Do you ever feel as though you’re like Phil?
We have all heard the folk wisdom that says the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting different results. While that definition doesn’t quite cover the whole concept, it does capture a part of it. It is definitely not “sane” (rational, logical) to expect things to change if you don’t do something to interrupt an unhealthy pattern in order to improve your situation. In other words, if you want something to change, you have to take the initiative to change it.
I work with a lot of people who are struggling in very difficult marriages, where they almost can’t remember what it was like to be attracted to...
Great leaders don’t often start out with a plan to make themselves great. In fact, it may surprise you how little great leaders think of themselves at all. Focusing on making an individual person great is a very small goal, but an individual with a willingness to sacrifice for something bigger can ignite passion in others and cause great things to happen.
We recently celebrated the memory of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and I was reminded of some of the ways he demonstrated great leadership. Here are five passions that drive some people to greatness and how we see them in action through the leadership of Rev. Dr. King.
Passion #1: To fix a problem – Some of the most significant achievements in history began when someone said, “This isn’t how things should be.” In 1955 an African American woman, Rosa Parks, was arrested for violating racial segregation laws in Montgomery, Alabama, because she refused to give up her seat on a bus for a...
Do you have plans to spend some time with the people you care about the most? If not, stop what you are doing right now and think about something special you can do with your kids, spouse, significant other or friend that you will really enjoy.
Sometimes our most special memories happen when there’s nothing special going on at all. I know Saturday mornings can be busy with household chores, but taking an hour to snuggle on the couch to watch cartoons with your kids can become a lasting memory. On the other hand, stepping away from the TV to take a moonlight walk with your spouse can bring you closer through unhurried conversation.
Coffee dates with friends can be very effective therapy for a stressed out mom or hardworking student. Men can experience some great bonding time by working together on a project. If you have a repair to do on your house or car, consider calling a buddy or a teenage guy to be your helper.
Life is jam-packed with obligations, work and...
A new year often inspires us to evaluate our lives, which frequently makes us want to change whatever is not working well or build upon what is. It can be helpful to bounce your thoughts and feelings off of someone else who can offer perspective and help you discover what is – or isn’t – within your power to change.
Since the 1980’s there has been a growing interest in the field of Coaching. There are several different types of coaching, e.g., Executive, Personal, Career, etc., and each serves a specific function related to helping someone achieve desired results. With the rise of coaching as a profession have come questions concerning the differences between the practice of coaching and counseling. Let’s look at these two different services in an effort to help you decide which one is right for you – counseling or coaching.
According to the International Coach Federation, coaching is an ongoing relationship between the...
Holidays have a way of magnifying everything – both negative and positive. Whatever is happy, beautiful and fun seems even more prominent when Christmas lights are twinkling and pretty packages are sitting under the tree just waiting to delight someone you love. But whatever is sad, ugly and painful can also be magnified because it doesn’t fit in to our idealized image of what Christmas should be like. As my friend, Dr. Randy Carlson of Intentional Living has often said, “Expectation minus reality equals disappointment.”
I am going out on a tinsel-covered limb and guessing that there is something about this Christmas you wish could be different. The good news is you don’t have to let your circumstances ruin your holidays. Studies have shown that circumstances only account for 10% of your happiness. That’s a surprisingly small number! But boosting your happiness quotient doesn’t just happen by itself. You must be intentional about how you...
If you are like most people, the month of December typically ushers in a dramatic increase in activity, responsibilities, and irrational expectations. If you are able to maintain a positive and realistic perspective during this busy time of year you are much more likely to experience a very special time of connection, celebration, and joy. To help you with this task, my good friend and co-worker, Liz Bailey, offers some timeless truths for getting the most out of the holiday season.
Live, Work and Relate Well!
Some of my neighbors have had their Christmas lights up since before Thanksgiving. I am not sure if I resent them or admire them for being so far ahead on preparing for the holiday season. My feelings on the subject vary, often depending on my current state of mind. I waffle between being joyful that the holidays bring our family together and overwhelmed at the thought of how much time, money and effort it takes to make all that celebration work smoothly. And this mix...