10 Things That Turn Women Off

Stressful times can really put a strain on relationships, and intimacy in marriage can be negatively affected when one or both partners are feeling the outside pressure. But even before Covid brought extra stress into our lives, mutually enjoyable intimacy was a delicate issue.

In counseling, men sometimes complain about their wives' lack of interest in physical affection and sexual intimacy, but further discussion often reveals that they often fail to understand how they might influence this indifference or lack of desire. It might come as a surprise, but a woman’s sexual desire has strong connections to some very non-sexy issues.

To get to the point: Guys, if you want more affection and intimacy in your marriage here are ten turn-offs you will want to avoid:

  1. Harsh words and a critical or dismissive tone of voice
  2. Impatience with the kids and the inability to balance discipline with fun and affection 
  3. Disinterest in meaningful conversation and pretending to listen 
  4. Unwillingness to consistently share domestic responsibilities 
  5. Physical touch that frequently turns sexual 
  6. Derogatory remarks or "jokes" about her appearance, behavior, or personality 
  7. Flattering comments about another woman's physical appearance 
  8. Doing a "double take" to look at another woman 
  9. Not acknowledging and valuing her contribution to the family 
  10. Communicating a lack of commitment to the marriage and family 

Guys, whether you think these things seem like a big deal or not, I can guarantee that the woman in your life knows they are! If you want your wife to feel warm, responsive, and affectionate toward you, her basic need for feeling cherished, appreciated, secure, and respected must be met. 

If you don’t understand any of the items above, ask your wife what it means to her in the context of your marriage. As you review the list, consider what you can do instead to reverse negative behaviors that might be cooling your wife's passion.

Overall, make sure that your communication with your wife includes genuine compliments, sincere praise, unwavering commitment, and cheerful participation in family responsibilities. These can be remarkably effective kindling to start the home fires glowing again.

Live, Work and Relate Well!

Dr. Todd


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