Addressing the all-important and often perplexing topics and issues related to enhancing your personal growth and professional development
Lights! Camera! Action! When the spotlight of life is focused on you, what do people see? Are you an actor just playing a role or are you the “real deal?” Are you willing to let people see who you really are? Hollywood actors are paid big bucks to portray a make believe character on the silver screen, but there are many people outside of “Tinsel Town” who put on a very convincing act every day without ever being paid a dime. In fact, many of them pay a high price.
You don’t have to be a Hollywood star or public figure to be concerned with the way others perceive you. All of us are involved in personal image management to some degree, and in most cases, this is perfectly normal. In fact, thinking about who you will be with and what you will be doing is a reasonable way to determine what “image” to put on by dressing and behaving appropriately in a given situation.
There is nothing inherently wrong with putting your best foot forward in order...
If you are employed by a business or organization, there is a good chance you spend a lot of time with other staff members, either occasionally or all day. Having strong workplace relationships can make a significant difference in your productivity and job satisfaction. We all know we can’t directly cause another person to change, but there are a few simple steps you can take to contribute to good relationships and a positive work environment.
Carry your weight – You could be a really nice person, but if you aren’t doing your job effectively it won’t be long before your relationships become strained. If others have to make up for your lack of ability, knowledge or diligence, they will likely become resentful and less willing to make the effort to maintain good relations. If you make an honest assessment of your contribution to the workplace and realize you may be a “weak link”, do what you can to improve your skills. Talk with your boss or human...
I can only imagine how desperately the residents of the eastern states are longing for the snow to melt and the air to warm up. I grew up with “real” winters, but have been in Arizona long enough to forget just how stuffy and stifling it feels to live in a house that’s been shut up tight for months. Here in Tucson, we didn’t have to struggle through massive snowstorms or debilitating cold, but there is still something about Spring that energizes us to say, “Out with the old; in with the new!”
What are some of the things in your life that need a fresh start, a do-over or just a one-way trip to the trash can? Here are some things we all need to clean out from time to time.
Resentments – No one benefits from a grudge. You hold on to the anger and pain hoping it will somehow make the other person miserable, and it just doesn’t work that way. If the resentment is against someone you know – or even love – step...
In my last blog, I wrote about the importance of values, especially related to how we can influence our children and other important people in our lives. Today I want to get a little more specific about why having values and imparting them to others is so helpful and also suggest some practical ways you can do it.
First, here is a breakdown of the benefits:
1. Helps you make better decision
Life is a constant stream of decisions. Should you accept the new job offer? Should you begin or end a relationship? Should you move your family to another state? These can be tough decisions that, in and of themselves, may not have a clear right or wrong answer, but considering what you value will help guide your choices.
2. Identifies circumstances and people that do and don’t support your values
If you’re values-focused, you want to associate with people who will add to your life in positive ways. As they say, it is better to soar with eagles...
A lot of people live life by default. They just take things as they come, often assuming they do not have any control over what happens anyway. Unfortunately, many of them will one day look back and regret some missed opportunities.
Ponder this for a minute: Whatever you choose in life, you are not only making decisions for yourself, but for the generations that follow you and the people you impact along the way. One of my favorite quotes is: An inheritance is what you leave for your loved ones. A legacy is what you leave in your loved ones.
As important as this is, it’s not always easy to pinpoint what’s most important to you. Here’s an exercise to help: Picture 10, 20, 50 years down the road, and you slip quietly into the back row of a funeral. As you listen to the people sharing memories about the “dearly departed” you discover that they are talking about… you!
If you could eavesdrop on your own...
As a parent, you want to help your child if he’s being harassed at school, but what if it’s your child who’s pushing others around? First, understand that even good parents who do many things right can have a child who’s a bully. If you do, it’s important to learn what influences are at work.
Researchers at the University of Arizona surveyed 6th to 8th graders. Those who reported bullying most had experienced more forceful, physical discipline from their parents, viewed more TV violence and misbehaved more at home. In that group, 32% lived with a stepparent and 36% were in single-parent households. They generally had fewer adult role models, more exposure to gang activity and easier access to guns. Researchers concluded that bullies learn much of their behavior by example, and consequently need as much help as their victims.
Other predisposing factors include a strong desire for attention, immaturity, a lack of popularity among peers and a dislike for...
Send mixed signals – What a great way to get off to a bad start in a relationship! If you want people to be confused and angry, be sure to keep them guessing about what you are thinking or what you really mean. It can also drive people crazy if you’re unwilling to express your honest opinion, or if you make them wonder if you’re telling the truth. Mixed signals will keep others off guard and frustrated.
Assume the worst – Convince yourself that the friend who let you down did it on purpose; don’t even consider the possibility that it was an honest mistake or simple misunderstanding. If something doesn’t go your way, you can effectively sabotage your relationship if you begin by assuming that it’s never going to be okay, and then respond accordingly. Rehearse the belief that you have to look out for Number One because others are out to get you.
Blow off Commitments – Don’t say “no” to anything –...
I hope you’re reading this with the smell of turkey and pumpkin pie in the air. Thanksgiving is one of the things I am thankful for, because it gives us an opportunity to consider everything we have that inspires an attitude of gratitude.
In my last blog, I shared the Happiness Formula, and the research showed that some of our tendency to be naturally positive or negative is simply an inborn part of who we are. However, we also found that almost half of the influence comes from what we choose to do. I am thankful for that, because it means we can all intentionally find things to be grateful for and improve our outlook on life.
I came across this list of blessings on the web, and though you may have seen it, it bears repeating at this time of year.
If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who won’t survive the week.
If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of...
If you have had a terrible day at work and you are angry or grouchy, what does your family see and feel when you get home? Do you walk in with a scowl on your face and a hot temper? Or are you able to make the emotional transition from anger to calm?
The reality is, there are days that push your buttons and test your patience. I hope these days are few and far between for you, but in my work with both coaching and counseling clients, it seems that some people are frustrated almost all the time by their job or people in the workplace. In other blogs and articles we have talked about some of the ways you can make your situation better at work, but even before the problems are resolved, it is important for you to take a cue from Las Vegas and say, “What happens at work, stays at work.”
It is critically important that you get your emotions under control before you walk in the door. Don’t bring the negative emotions home with you. ...
Last week we started talking about how asking good questions in the right way could improve communication and cooperation with your staff and coworkers. The first three recommendations were to listen carefully, control your emotions, and start with something positive. Today we will discuss a few more strategies.
Build on agreement. If your question is likely to reflect disagreement or an alternative point of view, attempt to find something you can agree on first and preface your question with it. For example, “I agree with you that we need a policy governing this issue. My question concerning your recommendation for the policy is this…” Agreement on an issue, no matter how small, puts you in less of an adversarial role.
Avoid “why” questions. The word “why” can come across as accusatory, and communicates disappointment or disapproval. This one little word has the power to trigger a defensive reaction. See if you can...