Relate Well! Blog

Addressing the all-important and often perplexing topics and issues related to enhancing your personal growth and professional development

When your Spouse Wants Out of the Marriage - Part II

Last time we introduced you to the first two steps of my recommended five-step response to when your spouse wants out of the marriage, but you don’t.  The natural temptation when we experience rejection is to hold on very tightly to what we fear we are about to lose, however, when it comes to relationships that is generally the last thing you want to do.

To review, the first step is to “go on the record” with what you think, feel and want from your partner.  The second step is to resist the urge or impulse to over pursue.  When you play the role of pursuer your partner is much more likely to play the role of distancer – even more so than they might on their own.

Here are the last three steps to consider applying when your spouse wants out of your marriage.

3. Set appropriate boundaries and be willing to follow through with them.

If your spouse is disrespecting your marriage by staying out late on the weekends, pursuing opposite-sex friendships...

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When your Spouse Wants Out of the Marriage - Part I

“I care about you… but I’m just not in love with you anymore.”  These are some of the most chilling words a person can hear, especially if they are committed to their marriage and in love with their spouse.

When one person begins to feel indifferent about their partner and marriage they enter the “red” or “danger” zone of their relationship.  Understandably, but unfortunately, most people react to the emotional withdrawal of their partner with incredible fear and desperation – the very reaction that can lead to a loss of self-respect, increased anger and even more physical and emotional isolation.  In other words, sometimes the harder you try, the worse it gets.

If you have been rejected by your spouse and he or she is currently unwilling to constructively address the problems, I recommend that you carefully think through your response by considering the tips in this two-part blog post.

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