10 Things Great Communicators Do Well

Author, Judson Edwards, identified several universal principles that great communicators practice on a regular basis.  Although the principles he identified are excellent, I have made some modifications to his list. In addition, I have also contributed several of my own thoughts in order to speak more clearly about the personal communication and relationship difficulties you may face on an every day basis. I am convinced that if you consistently apply these principles you can become a great communicator both at work and at home.

Live, Work and Relate Well!

Todd

1. Agree more, argue less

Contentious people are simply more difficult to get along with. While you may have strong opinions (and may be right much of the time), it will not matter if it comes across as combative or argumentative. Learn to respect people’s ability to have their own opinion and beliefs. Be understanding, forgiving and gracious in your dealings with others. Know that often, the most important thing is not to make sure people know you are right.

2. Listen more, talk less

A motivational speaker once talked about a meeting he had with a CEO. He explained that during the meeting he spent almost the entire time listening to the other gentleman. And when he did speak, it was to reiterate what the CEO had just stated.

After the meeting, the CEO excitedly told the motivational speaker: “That was one of the best conversations I have ever had!”

When you listen, rather than talk, it does wonders for building the other person’s confidence and trust. By listening first then talking afterward, in response, you will quickly establish better rapport and better relationships.

3. Rest more, work less

You may not realize this, but resting is even a Biblical principle! When God rested on the seventh day, He did so deliberately. Not on accident. If you are going to be a great communicator, you have got to be fresh, rested and ready to take on the day. When you exhibit those qualities to others, most likely they will also respond positively.

4. Give more, take less

One of the rules of science is that a gas expands to fill the space given. You should not act like a “gas” when dealing with others. By taking up room in your relationships, you squeeze out what the other person has to offer. First, allow the other person to feel comfortable by giving more room for them to express themselves. Then, relate to them as they feel comfortable – not how you want to.

5. Confess more, accuse less

By giving the benefit of the doubt to those you relate to you opens up a gate of trust. This will provide a better arena to deal with them, and provide an encouraging environment. A key in developing this encouraging space is to show that yes, you too are human, you too make mistakes, and you too are willing to work though problems to get to solutions.

6.  Respond more, react less 

People who react to life have difficulty accepting personal responsibility for their situations and actions.  They are more likely to ask, “How can I get my circumstances and/or the people in my life to change?” Reacting breeds anger, negativity and bitterness. 

People who respond to life understand that they have choices that impact how their circumstances will unfold.  They are empowered to ask, “How can I make this situation better?” Responding breeds hope and creativity and it stimulates positive action. 

7.  Affirm more, criticize less

Everybody has an emotional “bank account.” Deposits of affirmation, appreciation, recognition and encouragement make a person feel worthwhile and significant, which leads to balance and resiliency. Withdrawals of criticism, disappointments, and neglect deplete the account, which is often the cause of negative attitudes and behavior.

You don’t have to agree with everyone, but when you disagree, try to find something positive to say, like a sincere compliment, before sharing your point of view.  Example: “I really appreciate the time and effort you have put into this project.  Thank you.  My thoughts about this issue are…”  You can disagree without discouraging.

8.  Trust more, fear less

People often hold back from giving in their relationships because they are afraid of being rejected, abandoned or taken advantage of.  In many cases, their trust was broken in childhood and they learned not to trust anyone.  If that’s you, begin with small steps of trust with someone close to you. There is no guarantee you won’t get hurt sometimes, but the strength and openness of a trusting relationship is worth some risk.

9.  Confront more, avoid less 

If you sense something is wrong in a relationship, don’t bury your head in the sand out of fear of confronting difficult or sensitive issues.  If you are unwilling to face the discomfort you will miss out on the benefits of conflict resolution.  Respectful confrontation opens the door to the possibility of experiencing a greater level of self-confidence, building more trust in the relationship and developing a deeper level of mutual respect.

10. Forgive more, condemn less

Holding on to offenses will lead to bitterness and resentment.  Forgiving will free up emotional, mental and physical energy that can be used to achieve a greater level of productivity and efficiency. It is impossible to close the conflict loop without forgiveness.

In conclusion, being a great communicator and getting along with people has a little bit to do with how they behave and a lot to do with how you handle your emotions and actions.  Spend time with positive people and practice saying something kind to others every day.  Like adding a few cents at a time to that emotional bank account I mentioned earlier, small, everyday positive experiences can become a significant cushion against the withdrawals we all experience.